Too Personal?

At some point, my writing goes further than I hoped to write about, deeper than I wanted to address.
And frankly, once I read it or realize that - oh  my gosh...I wrote this for everyone to see, I get embarrassed by it. No one needs to know about how I feel about this issue or that issue. It's personal.

I want to censor myself, but it's too late. Suddenly, it's out there in the world and out of my hands. It's scary and daunting and I know people will judge me. But it's also the fact that my opinion may have changed (or will someday change) regarding an issue or topic. Regardless, my opinion will forever be readily available.

Then, there's this fear about speaking out in general against something you disagree with because you don't want to cause a rift. When a pro-choice friend condemned pro-lifers protesting on campus and called them "disgusting"...I wanted to write something in response. Retort. Argue. But I didn't, because I was scared of being judged for my ideals and beliefs about conception, life, and abortion.

So, I think it's better to have written something that expressed your beliefs than to leave them unexpressed (unless it is really very personal, then you shouldn't if it makes you uncomfortable). Yes, people will judge you and criticize you, you may even criticize yourself later on...but what you said or wrote was real to you back then and it was honest and people might find strength in what you wrote.

Doubt and Fear

Have you ever wanted to speak to this guy/girl but were so scared that they wouldn't like you? Have you ever wondered if they felt the same way about you?

Have you ever doubted your belonging within a group of people? Or felt like somehow they didn't want you around?

Our feelings of doubt and fear stem from a feeling of inadequacy - we're not good enough so they couldn't, wouldn't, or don't like us... Once this thought reaches your head you withdraw, preferring to be alone than with people who don't/wouldn't want you. Well, I've felt this way before. I still feel this way often.

This thought, this feeling of inadequacy, has no merit at all. It doesn't make you a better person, it makes you a fearful person, a doubtful person. It doesn't improve on anything, rather it works backwards. What you've worked hard to achieve, putting yourself out there, slides to the back burner and you're back at square one.

As well, this feeling of being not good enough is not real, it's all in your mind. You are adequate, and until someone explicitly tells you, "I don't like you," you have every right and every reason to believe that they do like you and that they do want you around.

Don't let doubt or fear stop you from pursuing anything or anyone that you want to.  

Procrastination

I'm working on an essay.

I want to get all of my readings done today.

I'm giving a college tour tomorrow.

Halloween is coming up.

Midterms are coming up.

I can't wait until Christmas.

Religion and Politics

Students who study political science in university tend to be far leaning leftists who are all for feminism, multiculturalism, legalizing marijuana, and gay rights. Some of the ones I've encountered are atheists. They are often logical and fervent in their beliefs. Political science students are against every oppression known to man - especially ignorance.

As a student who is both a devout Catholic and a political thinker, I don't think that the Church's teachings clash with all of the views of hardcore liberals - but they do clash with some. For example the "freedom" that radical feminists search for - including the use of birth control and abortions (funded by tax payer's money) out rightly goes against the Church's teachings about the sanctity of life before birth. I've touched on this already in another pro-life article, but the sanctity of life also extends to the issues of assisted suicide (or as those who are proponents of such discretion call it, "dying with dignity"), and euthanasia. I believe, as a Catholic, that only God can give life and be the one to take it away.

So, why didn't I go into religion as a major? Why did I choose political science? As deeply fulfilling as religion is in my life, political science really piqued my interest in international relations and political philosophy. I am most interested in studying how applicable politics can be in life and how political theories affect and influence the world around us. 

Auditions & What I Learned From Them

I recently got two rejection e-mails for audition call-backs that were supposed to happen today. I figured for one of them that I wouldn't get a call-back. For the other one, I wasn't sure. Until now.

I have a history with auditions; I don't do so well in them. I auditioned for Vocal at Cardinal Carter Academy for the Arts three times before I actually got in (the third time the fee was waived). And when I was actually a student at Carter, I auditioned for numerous solos and for two musicals and got rejected for each and every single solo and musical that I auditioned for.

At university, the outcome has been the same. I auditioned to be part of a music night and was rejected and I auditioned to be in a musical and in a play and was also rejected.

Auditions are great! I don't think I've done enough of them to be truly jaded, but I think the best thing about them is that you can be more confident in who you are when you go through them. You learn more about yourself each time and you get to show off your skills and talents. I'm glad I auditioned for each thing that I auditioned for and I hope in the future to do more auditions particularly for musicals because I love singing so much and would love to be in a musical.

That being said there were also some interesting things that I learned about auditions:

1) Adjustments don't mean anything - I didn't quite believe it at first, because you always want to feel special, but now I know now for a fact (after having adjustments for both of my most recent auditions) that they were probably just trying to fill up my audition's time's worth.

2) The directors will mention the callback date and times to you, even if you aren't getting a callback - They are just trying to be polite in case you gab to the other people auditioning.

3) Sometimes they have a role or idea already in their head and you just don't fit the role - It's nothing personal. As I've written before, people don't really know you. They only know what they want and if what you present isn't what they want then that's it.

I just appreciated that they took the time to see me and speak with me! Everything happens for a reason, and I might be too busy for rehearsals anyways. 

Seeing Familiar Faces Again...

                                         I made this video three years ago, so...yeah.

So, over the past few weeks, I've been seeing familiar people at unexpected times and places. And it has been...interesting. For the most part, I've really enjoyed running into old friends and acquaintances that I really hadn't spoken to in a while (a.k.a since first year) and that has been so great. Most of my friends look the same, so it's like reminiscing to old memories. They're moving forward with their lives and accomplishing things, and I couldn't be more happy for and proud of them. It just feels good to talk to old friends, because they get you and they like you.

Then, there are those people who you've been in a class with (or something) but you've never - or barely - spoken to, who you happen to see again at another class or event. It's interesting because you kind of know them because you shared a mutual class, but you don't really know them, so you're not sure whether to greet them or not. With these people, they usually answer your question by not looking at you/acknowledging you, so you kind of get the hint. Those can be awkward encounters. They may be ignoring you because they either don't remember you, they're shy, or they don't want to remember you. You were really just a stranger to them.  

Lastly, there are people whose faces you recognize but you don't remember where you recognize their face from. They are people who might even go up to you to strike a conversation but you end up leaving it thinking, "Who is that girl again?" or "Where did I meet him...?" Their faces look so familiar to you, but you don't remember their names, or when first you met them, or if you were really friends with them.

I am the type of person who always believes there's a reason why I'm seeing this or that person again. But, honestly, for most of the people (if not all of them) I have no idea why I encounter them again. Some may have been good friends, but most of them are random individuals who really - to be honest - don't mean much to me anymore. There was a reason why I didn't become close to them back then, so why do I have to go through being around them or seeing them again? Maybe I'll never know.

Single Confessions #1

I don't like to write about romance on this blog for many reasons. I find romance and relationships to be a highly personal subject that I don't think should everyone should be privy to. I am a very private person and I would prefer for people to see me as a blank slate. But since nobody reads this blog - except me, give or take, I think it will be okay making some confessions about being single that I don't think many people know about me.

1. I've considered religious vocation. I think a life without a purpose is not a life worth living. That being said, I've also considered the possibility that I might not get married - and I take that possibility very seriously. If I don't get married in the distant future, I do not want to live my life as someone who just makes money and doesn't have anyone to share that wealth with. I will not by choice have a child before marriage. I know that religious life is a vocation - something that I have to be called to do. I am a Catholic and I have met some Sisters who happen to be Facebook friends. But I am discerning being a Sister or a Nun, and I take my discernment very seriously.

I think the reason why I feel so confident writing about my 'single confessions' now is because I'm comfortable with where I am. I take love very seriously, and I would never enter a relationship unless I saw it as being long-term. I do feel very complete as a person, but I am open to what the world has to offer me.

Forever 21: The Perfect Age To Dream

I am so proud of how far I've come from a year ago, and from even two years ago. I always try to one-up my accomplishments every year. I had my first prose published at the age of 18 and my full G-driver's license at the age of 19. I also managed to get a great Work-Study position at the age of 19 and now, to add to that, I also work as a freelance writer. I've also visited two countries in the Caribbean/Central America (Cuba and Costa Rica respectively) over the past two years. On top of everything, I currently volunteer with amazing on-campus groups, I volunteer as a Cantor and Pianist at my church, and I remain physically active on and off of campus.

I really believe that you get out of an activity as much as you put into it. I feel so blessed. We tend to think that we're too young or too old to go for our most secret desires, but I know that any age is the right age to pursue what you love with all of your heart. I've done everything from teaching piano, and tutoring: music theory, math, and English, to serving, designing, editing, and writing. To be honest, I would not consider myself an expert in any of those fields but I've learned, explored, and figured out what I know and love today.

I think that a lot of things really sparked my journey and my path to finding who I want to be. From first receiving the Ray Raymond Literacy Award in the eighth grade, to being accepted into Trinity College for university, to first being published by a magazine, to first being paid for my writing - I've come to realize that English and writing are two things that I absolutely adore. It really has all come full circle to me as I, still a hopeful amateur, really having a burning desire to accomplish more for myself and to realize my full potential. I know that I'm 21, but I'm 21 and proud of what I've done. Each accomplishment is a stepping stone and I hope to stay grounded no matter what. I also have big dreams that I hope will speak for themselves when the time comes.    

Repeated Mistakes

I've always tried to be the person to not let things get to me. But sometimes, I can't control it. The pent-up feelings of resentment, hurt, and anger can be consuming and it's so easy for me to lose my composure after so much effort of trying to remain calm.

I'm the kind of person who gets embarrassed easily, and who also tends to make the same mistakes, over and over again. I can't help it, and sometimes I can't help the circumstances I put myself in. Because I look so innocent and docile, many people try to take advantage of it - take advantage of me - and regardless of the outcome I feel the same, disappointed. Even when I stand up for myself. Even when I let it go. And the common denominator here is me. I find myself in the same situations.

What I find is the best remedy for life and for uncontrollable situations (uncontrollable emotions, feelings, actions) is to embrace all the negative feelings and wait for the next day to arrive. Because by the next day you have a new start to feel however you want and to act however you'd like.

Anger and sadness are often two sides of the same coin. And when you feel those emotions, they may linger for a day, but they don't last much longer. It's hard to make yourself think about the next day when you feel wronged and disappointed today. But really, the next day is the remedy. It's what we must always strive to look forward to.

Today you may be easily upset by some tiny mistakes, but the next day those tiny mistakes won't mean anything.

Past & Present

Isn't it so weird finding people from your past who have changed in the present? Now people who you knew look different, or are starting families of their own. It's incredible and strange at the same time because who they were in the past is what you'll always remember and really know. But who they are in the present is a (almost) completely different person.

It really does make me reflect on my past and who I am today. There is definitely a reason why I'm not in the same circumstances as another person I knew, and I am happy with where I am. I am going into my last year of university. I have fantastic friends that I can really open up to. And I have the most supportive family that have always been there for me.

Now is the perfect time to really live out my goals for the now, not the goals of my past. I mean people at any age can change where their life is heading, but when you want something, it's better to get it done while you're young and unattached.  That's what I am and for the first time, I really appreciate it. I appreciate the freedom I have.

To accomplish something you not only need that passion, but also that perseverance. You can control your effort. We all move at our own pace, and I'm glad. I take everything one step at a time.

Being Pro-Life

I've been wanting to write on being pro-life for some time now, and I think now is the time. I take political issues seriously, but the issue of abortion has never been an area of contention for me.

People who are pro-choice have the mind frame that a woman's body is her business, she can do whatever she wants with it. They can also make their argument that a fetus isn't a child until it is this many months in the womb.

It is scary for any woman to picture themselves young, pregnant, and unmarried. There is a stigma to it. Young mothers can be ostracized or branded many cruel names. The reason why abortion is so monopolizing is because of the ill-treatment that unwed mothers go through. They don't want to keep the baby of a person they don't love. There are also mothers who fear raising a disabled child and don't want to deal with it.

At the same time, the reality is the baby may be in their body, but they do not own the baby. The baby is his/her own person. That child did not choose to be conceived.

That being said, abortion should never be an option. There are always other options - adoption and raising the child on your own. Women who consider abortion should be counseled about the decision to give up the child or keep her.

Lastly, my father made an interesting remark to my pro-life maternal aunt about parents stopping having children after their second child is born. My aunt quickly replied:

"What about your brothers and sisters that were born after you? Would you have preferred they not been born?" Which immediately shut up my dad. Because it's so easy to think of a concept when it doesn't apply to you but when there is the reality - of breathing life, of being born, it's a different story.

Rebecca Kiessling

 

Mottos

~ Stand up for what you truly believe in, but be sensitive to the feelings of others.
~ There will be days when nothing feels quite right, accept those feelings and move on.
~ Don't take rejection personally, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person. 
~ Help others; it is better to do favors for others than ask for favors from others.
~ Never let go of your inner child. There is wonder in exploration, imagination, and adventure.

The Idea Of "Model Minority"

Something very interesting happened to me yesterday at Wonderland. While there with a fellow Asian friend we encountered, for the first time, two children who line jumped us. I was absolutely shocked and for five minutes my friend and eye looked at the girl and her younger brother, while she murmured an explanation of "leaving the line and coming back". My friend and I were passive for a minute in shock, but then I got built up the courage and told the girl that we were waiting in the line here first and it was disrespectful of her and her brother to bud in front of us. You can stand in front of the ones behind us, I said, but you can't get in front of us.

Then, I confidently said to my friend, "Come on **Lily." Lily was hesitant at first and for a brief second the young girl took advantage of that and said, "Lily's a 'good' girl" but Lily still went in front with me. The little boy however would not budge, even with me telling him that I would inform the worker that he lined jumped. He arrogantly replied, "I don't care!" When we finally reached the front of the line, I promptly informed the worker and he told the boy to leave. Shock registered in the little boy's face as he stumbled backward to where his sister was standing.

 Later on, Lily and I discussed what occurred. We were both so disappointed that the children could be so disrespectful to their elders. We were two 21-year-olds in an amusement park trying to have fun, and these two kids thought they could pull a fast one on my friend and I because we were Asian and looked young, innocent, and easy to take advantage of. These children were rude and it was as if they had never heard "no," especially the little boy. He had many chances to accept that he was in the wrong and leave, but he stubbornly held his ground and acted impertinently.

What I found most interesting was how the girl called Lily a "good girl" for not speaking up. This little girl unknowingly used the stereotype of model minority against Lily. The girl tried to set up the standard of goodness based on "passive behavior." Lily was therefore set up as good for not speaking up and letting the kids bud the line, while I was set up as the contrary for speaking up and not accepting injustice.

I had never experienced the negative implications of being a "model minority" until now, and all I can say is it doesn't feel good. Speaking afterward with my friend, she told me she didn't speak up because she didn't want there to be a fight or confrontation, but she would have told the workers once we reached the end that they line jumped. I told her that I had to tell the children outright, because they had to realize that what they did wasn't right. For the record, the two children were not Asian.

**Name changed due to privacy of identity.

Restless Heart: The Confessions of St. Augustine

I went to see the movie Restless Heart: The Confessions of St. Augustine on June 26 (the day before my birthday) and I was overwhelmed with a sense of graciousness, hope, and companionship.

Even though I went home alone, I felt even closer to God after watching that movie. I knew that He was always with me and that He would always be watching over me.

St. Augustine of Hippo was a sinner. He was a thief, a liar, an arrogant man. He slept around, disobeyed his parents, and he didn't believe in God. There is a sinner in all of us, and just knowing that St. Augustine was redeemed is so hopeful and humbling.

The movie itself was lovely, I would recommend it to anyone.

Seek First To Understand Then To Be Understood

"Jesus meek and humble of heart make my heart like unto thine."
- Based on the Litany of Humility by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val

When I was in my high school Leadership class, the teacher assigned us into seven groups and each group received a habit from the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. My group's habit was Seek First To Understand Then To Be Understood. We basically had to discuss our habit within our group and present it (or something of that nature). Reflecting on my life, I can definitely see how that habit is relevant to me because lately, I haven't been listening to others and I've only been wanting to hear my own voice.

Earlier this year, I had been rather upset with people in my life who had been cutting me off - when I would speak they would interrupt me, and they wouldn't even realize it. These people were not even strangers, they were friends, classmates, people who I thought I had respect with. It hurt me that these people only cared about continuing what was on their mind and didn't bother listening to what I was saying. I did not want to be just a mattress for their ideas. So, I discussed it with my mother and she was unsympathetic. If I had something worth saying they would listen; maybe the tone of my voice was maybe trailing off. They wouldn't interrupt me when it was just the two of us speaking, but when there was a third or fourth party, they spoke as if I wasn't even there.

I thought that maybe being louder and speaking with more authority would help me not be quashed by the ideas of others, but now, after looking back, and after looking at how belligerent I've come to be about my ideas and opinions; I've realized that maybe it's okay to just listen.

 

Feeling Accepted

I think that people do you a huge favor when they reject you. It never feels good to be rejected, or let down, or put down. But it definitely lets you know that these people don't accept you or think you're good enough for whatever you applied for (job, volunteer, friendship, relationship) and in the long run; it's a great thing to know.

I'd been rejected by many people for many things, but what I got out of it is to - no matter what - take it in good stride. I would at first feel hurt, but after a moment of rationalizing, I would accept it, reach out (if possible) and then thank them for at least informing me. Because you never know, even if they are not be the right fit they might know someone else that is. There's always an upside and I always try to keep in positive spirits.

When I am accepted by someone, I know they appreciate me and what I offer because they can see my potential. It feels good when people genuinely like you, trust you, and have faith in your abilities. I never fully give up on what I truly believe in.

Incomplete

What I find I regret the most are things I never completed. For example, I didn't take my grade 10 RCM piano exam, I didn't take my RCM music history exam (even though I bought the textbook), and I never got braces (even though I suffer from TMJ). It plagues me in my dreams, or when I wake up in 4:00 in the morning and can't get back to sleep, that I left something incomplete. And although it's not too late for me to take the grade 10 RCM piano exam or RCM music history exam or even get braces - do I even want to do those things anymore? And especially for grade 10 piano, I don't know if I'll ever be technically good enough to play at that level again. I have only been playing easy church music and sight reading pieces. I haven't even been practicing scales regularly anymore. And for adult braces, if I get them, will they really help my TMJ (which is honestly, quite manageable)? I already look like a teenager, getting braces on top of vanity would require a lot of attention to eating specific foods, flossing between braces and wearing retainers afterwards...

I know I'm making excuses but on top of it I know there is the hope that someday, maybe, if I take the time and effort, these incompletes might become complete. Well, everything except the braces because I really don't want braces unless I know for sure that it will help my TMJ. But you know, I am always weighing the pros and cons. Imagine if I did go for the RCM music history exam or get braces as an adult. They are possibilities, but are they worth it? Maybe someday it will be something I accept as being incomplete, or unnecessary, because I have higher priorities. I don't know. I'm still figuring out my life, I shouldn't let these little things worry me. I think they worry me because I don't do enough self reflection or prayer daily. Maybe then I'll be able to accept that yes, these things are not finished, but it's never a completely closed book. I mean maybe once I'm done everything and have the money, I'll get lessons to finish grade 10 piano and music history. Who knows? But even if that never happens, I think that if I at least make up for it by accomplishing and finishing other things, I will definitely be satisfied.

Adventurous

Although I do tend to get used to routine and the same things, I always enjoy experiencing something new and different. Going to a foreign country, place, or restaurant is exciting for me. There's just something special about being somewhere for the first time. I've been to many provinces in Canada (specifically: Ontario, Manitoba, Alberta, Prince Edward Island, Québec, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Saskatchewan), and I've been to the Philippines, the U.S. (including: Boston, New York, and Hawaii), and Costa Rica.

I remember when I was on vacation in Hawaii and the Philippines and I brought my math homework with me. I was still in high school at the time. Nobody wants to bring homework with them on vacation. Thankfully, I got to get my homework done early with the help of my brother and the work I did actually boosted my math mark. But I'm definitely not bringing work with me on any future vacation.

Owning Pets

I have to admit, I have not always been a faithful pet owner. The easiest experience I had owning pets was taking care of my fishes. I just had to feed them flakes and dried blood worms from Big Al's and watch them swim around in their tank. Even when I didn't feed them for a couple of days they would be okay. They weren't needy and they never called for food or anything. I was so interested in fish at the time that I did one of my Science Fair projects on the schooling of neon tetra fish and won third place.

My first experience with pets to hold were my first two degus (which are small rodents), Speedy and Porsha. To be honest, I didn't even know their genders, I just named them based on their personalities. Speedy was a quick degu, not easy to hold and bigger than Porsha. Porsha was an angel, quiet, sweet, and easy to pick up without wriggling. Both degus were energetic, but my brother and I didn't know that at first. When my dad first brought them home, I was sick in bed and I remember my dad holding them (one on each hand) and I said, "What is that?" Afterward, he let me hold one (I think it was Speedy) and I subsequently dropped the one he gave me, because the degu started wriggling. We originally put them in the glass aquarium for the fish (the fish were long gone by them) but we realized they needed more room to roam and my dad made two big (one bigger than the other) cages which we could connect to each other. My brother and I had fun playing with the degus in my brother's bedroom and the basement but they were fast and Speedy was always the hardest to catch. I was a very immature (in age) pet owner at the time and my brother left the cages out one time and Porsha (the sweet one) escaped. For my birthday, I got another baby female degu to replace Porsha, Porsha Junior or P.J. But due to my negligence, I left their cage outside and they died because of the heavy rain.

I also had a dog at some point, an adopted whippet-cocker, a fast and young puppy that my dad really liked. I named him Bob, but he would occasionally nip at my brother and I. I once took Bob to my elementary school once and all the students that saw him loved him. However, we couldn't keep Bob because my mom had allergies.

My current pet is a cute guinea pig named Trixie. We adopted her from my mom's co-worker. And Trixie, like all of my pets, has a personality. She is very curious, but also a little shy. She doesn't like venturing to far away from familiar people or objects. She loves vegetables but she hates oranges. She loves sitting on your lap and eating from your fingers. She hates baths. I like Trixie and as an older owner I can take better care of her. I take her outside and she doesn't run away. I give her food. I clean her cage. I'm really the only one taking care of her, and I like that I'm more accountable now rather then when I didn't do anything but feed and play with my pets. I give her baths and cut her nails. Owning a pet does boost your mood and self-esteem, but it's nice caring for an animal and seeing them happy.

Book Review - Filipinos in Canada: Disturbing Invisibility

I have not had the pleasure of reading much Filipino literature besides articles in Filipino-Canadian newspapers like the Balita, but I have been fortunate to purchase and read Filipinos in Canada: Disturbing Invisibility.

Filipinos in Canada: Disturbing Invisibility was a great book for me to read as a university student and Canadian-born Filipina. My three favourite chapters in the book were Chapter 2 (Filipino Canadians in the Twenty-First Century: The Politics of Recognition a Transnational Affect Economy), Chapter 17 (Educated Minorities: The Experiences of Filipino Canadian University Students), and Chapter 18 (Mas Maputi Ako sa 'yo [I'm lighter than you]: The Spatial Politics of Intraracial Colourism among Filipina/o Youth on the Greater Toronto Area).

To quote a relevant example from Chapter 17:

"Students describe a lack of recognition of Filipino students, especially academically. [...] Similarly, students felt themselves to be both marginalized and privileged to be at UBC [University of British Columbia] because they observed the absence of other Filipinos. While students interviewed are seen as successes, many are constantly reminded that they are only a select few on campus" (Coloma 368-369).

I often felt like the only Filipino studying English and Political Science at my university. I never or rarely see other Filipino students in my classes.

I found it particularly amusing reading this section in Chapter 18:

"...Grace later suggests that dark-skinned Filipinas from Scarborough are a lower-class type of beauty, which Grace describes as 'ghetto fabulous.' She seems to suggest that there exists an unattainable standard of beauty that the ghetto fabulous cannot live up to.[...] she [also] seems to suggest that Filipinas from Scarborough simply cannot achieve this higher standard of beauty because their lower-class status, imprinted on their very skins, serves as a barrier, preventing them from achieving the socio-spatial mobility that light skin affords middle-class Filipina/os" (Coloma 393).

As a dark-skinned Filipina from Scarborough, I can honestly say I am happy with my skin colour but I have heard about Filipinos preferring lighter-skinned Filipinas over darker-skinned. As for being from Scarborough, I have to admit, I do play up that I'm from the 'ghetto,' but I would never describe myself as 'ghetto-fabulous.' And I personally think that dark-skinned Filipinas are as pretty if not prettier than light-skinned Filipinas. In the Filipino channels, we get in Canada (TFC and GMA) I often see light-skinned Filipinas being represented in Filipino TV shows.

Before I go on too much of a tangent: buy this book! Filipinos in Canada: Disturbing Invisibility is a great compilation that covers a range of topics on Filipino-Canadian identity and it's just an awesome read in general (especially for those interested in cultural politics, anthropology, and political science). The only thing I would say could be improved is if they had the pictures/visuals (in the book) in colour and on a nicer sheet of paper. Aside from that, the book is amazing content-wise, and I would highly recommend it!

Work Cited

Coloma, Roland Sintos. Filipinos in Canada: Disturbing Invisibility. Toronto: University of Toronto, 2012. Print.

Interview with Asian-Canadian Professor and Writer, Dr. Julie Mehta

I am delighted to present an interview I conducted with, the wise and intelligent, . My interview consists of personal questions relating to Asian-Canadian identity, but she goes beyond those questions providing both a transnational and a professional background. Her interview includes detailed and insightful personal experiences.

Dr. Julie Mehta is a writer, an author, and a former professor at the University of Toronto. She was also my professor and, I have to admit, she was a brilliant, thought-provoking, and inspiring lecturer. She openly engages her students in debate, and she gets to know each and every one of them.


When and why did you choose to come to Canada?

Well, to cut the long story short, you know I've been in Cambodia, Singapore, and Thailand for about fifteen years and I was a literary reviewer. Then, one day, I went to Cambodia and found an Indian architectural team redoing the temples which were coming up the Angkor Wat, which was a national heritage site. And in that research, which went on for twelve years, I wrote a book called The Dance of Life, which was on bringing Cambodian culture back to life after the genocide which was in from '75 to '79. I was quite astonished as to how a culture had been completely obliterated. All the notations about dance, the musical tradition, the literature was all burned down. It was only with the help of Vietnam, Vietnamese support, that the Khmer Rouge, that created the genocide regime were done away with.

And then, with this book, my partner Harish, who is also a political and economic correspondent,  wrote with me a biography of the prime minister of Cambodia. It took ten years to write those two books. But we were invited to a huge promotion in America and Canada and once we came to the universities in Canada and America we realized how much students, who are from Asia, were so invested in finding their roots. So, there was a lot of dialogue and discussion and we decided maybe, after so many years, we should bring what we want to share to Canada. And we chose Canada because we felt very much at home here, we love the people, we love the culture, we love the fact that there was some sort of multi-culture here that America didn't quite have in the same way because you have to be American first. Here it's different, people more or less have the same equal rights to an identity of  their own.

So, when we came to Canada the obvious choice was that we'd like to teach in universities so we came back and did our doctoral work, we did our dissertations and we just loved the life, we love academic life.  

Did you face any culture shock when you came?

Singapore and Bangkok are cosmopolitan. They are heavily influenced by the West. English is not a language that is unknown to us because we all come from that British education, heritage, so really there was no culture shock. We felt completely at home and it was really like going to a bigger Singapore.



       

Goodbying, Belonging, and Beginning

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
- Helen Keller

Change can be scary, when you feel unprepared for the future. I've always questioned myself - why do I keep making the same mistakes? What will happen to me in the next couple of years? Where do I belong? After high school, I was eager to start school with an open mind and a willing heart. I wanted to make new friends, study something I loved, and develop a romantic relationship. I was lucky and I worked hard to get jobs and make friends. I contemplated my majors (and minor at the time) over the last two years. It was more difficult for me to pursue something romantic because of my more reserved and shy nature. But I did find people that I was interested in at the time.

I had to say a lot of goodbyes to every day, every mistake, every failure, and everything I couldn't change. I often felt like I didn't belong anywhere at times: not with my friends, not with my College, not with my club groups, not with my church, not with my family. And it was an isolating experience, to feel like no one understands or cares. But self-acceptance is an every day process. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I just have to pick myself back up and carry on. Every day is a new beginning.