Seek First To Understand Then To Be Understood

"Jesus meek and humble of heart make my heart like unto thine."
- Based on the Litany of Humility by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val

When I was in my high school Leadership class, the teacher assigned us into seven groups and each group received a habit from the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. My group's habit was Seek First To Understand Then To Be Understood. We basically had to discuss our habit within our group and present it (or something of that nature). Reflecting on my life, I can definitely see how that habit is relevant to me because lately, I haven't been listening to others and I've only been wanting to hear my own voice.

Earlier this year, I had been rather upset with people in my life who had been cutting me off - when I would speak they would interrupt me, and they wouldn't even realize it. These people were not even strangers, they were friends, classmates, people who I thought I had respect with. It hurt me that these people only cared about continuing what was on their mind and didn't bother listening to what I was saying. I did not want to be just a mattress for their ideas. So, I discussed it with my mother and she was unsympathetic. If I had something worth saying they would listen; maybe the tone of my voice was maybe trailing off. They wouldn't interrupt me when it was just the two of us speaking, but when there was a third or fourth party, they spoke as if I wasn't even there.

I thought that maybe being louder and speaking with more authority would help me not be quashed by the ideas of others, but now, after looking back, and after looking at how belligerent I've come to be about my ideas and opinions; I've realized that maybe it's okay to just listen.

 

Feeling Accepted

I think that people do you a huge favor when they reject you. It never feels good to be rejected, or let down, or put down. But it definitely lets you know that these people don't accept you or think you're good enough for whatever you applied for (job, volunteer, friendship, relationship) and in the long run; it's a great thing to know.

I'd been rejected by many people for many things, but what I got out of it is to - no matter what - take it in good stride. I would at first feel hurt, but after a moment of rationalizing, I would accept it, reach out (if possible) and then thank them for at least informing me. Because you never know, even if they are not be the right fit they might know someone else that is. There's always an upside and I always try to keep in positive spirits.

When I am accepted by someone, I know they appreciate me and what I offer because they can see my potential. It feels good when people genuinely like you, trust you, and have faith in your abilities. I never fully give up on what I truly believe in.

Incomplete

What I find I regret the most are things I never completed. For example, I didn't take my grade 10 RCM piano exam, I didn't take my RCM music history exam (even though I bought the textbook), and I never got braces (even though I suffer from TMJ). It plagues me in my dreams, or when I wake up in 4:00 in the morning and can't get back to sleep, that I left something incomplete. And although it's not too late for me to take the grade 10 RCM piano exam or RCM music history exam or even get braces - do I even want to do those things anymore? And especially for grade 10 piano, I don't know if I'll ever be technically good enough to play at that level again. I have only been playing easy church music and sight reading pieces. I haven't even been practicing scales regularly anymore. And for adult braces, if I get them, will they really help my TMJ (which is honestly, quite manageable)? I already look like a teenager, getting braces on top of vanity would require a lot of attention to eating specific foods, flossing between braces and wearing retainers afterwards...

I know I'm making excuses but on top of it I know there is the hope that someday, maybe, if I take the time and effort, these incompletes might become complete. Well, everything except the braces because I really don't want braces unless I know for sure that it will help my TMJ. But you know, I am always weighing the pros and cons. Imagine if I did go for the RCM music history exam or get braces as an adult. They are possibilities, but are they worth it? Maybe someday it will be something I accept as being incomplete, or unnecessary, because I have higher priorities. I don't know. I'm still figuring out my life, I shouldn't let these little things worry me. I think they worry me because I don't do enough self reflection or prayer daily. Maybe then I'll be able to accept that yes, these things are not finished, but it's never a completely closed book. I mean maybe once I'm done everything and have the money, I'll get lessons to finish grade 10 piano and music history. Who knows? But even if that never happens, I think that if I at least make up for it by accomplishing and finishing other things, I will definitely be satisfied.