Auditions & What I Learned From Them

I recently got two rejection e-mails for audition call-backs that were supposed to happen today. I figured for one of them that I wouldn't get a call-back. For the other one, I wasn't sure. Until now.

I have a history with auditions; I don't do so well in them. I auditioned for Vocal at Cardinal Carter Academy for the Arts three times before I actually got in (the third time the fee was waived). And when I was actually a student at Carter, I auditioned for numerous solos and for two musicals and got rejected for each and every single solo and musical that I auditioned for.

At university, the outcome has been the same. I auditioned to be part of a music night and was rejected and I auditioned to be in a musical and in a play and was also rejected.

Auditions are great! I don't think I've done enough of them to be truly jaded, but I think the best thing about them is that you can be more confident in who you are when you go through them. You learn more about yourself each time and you get to show off your skills and talents. I'm glad I auditioned for each thing that I auditioned for and I hope in the future to do more auditions particularly for musicals because I love singing so much and would love to be in a musical.

That being said there were also some interesting things that I learned about auditions:

1) Adjustments don't mean anything - I didn't quite believe it at first, because you always want to feel special, but now I know now for a fact (after having adjustments for both of my most recent auditions) that they were probably just trying to fill up my audition's time's worth.

2) The directors will mention the callback date and times to you, even if you aren't getting a callback - They are just trying to be polite in case you gab to the other people auditioning.

3) Sometimes they have a role or idea already in their head and you just don't fit the role - It's nothing personal. As I've written before, people don't really know you. They only know what they want and if what you present isn't what they want then that's it.

I just appreciated that they took the time to see me and speak with me! Everything happens for a reason, and I might be too busy for rehearsals anyways. 

Seeing Familiar Faces Again...

                                         I made this video three years ago, so...yeah.

So, over the past few weeks, I've been seeing familiar people at unexpected times and places. And it has been...interesting. For the most part, I've really enjoyed running into old friends and acquaintances that I really hadn't spoken to in a while (a.k.a since first year) and that has been so great. Most of my friends look the same, so it's like reminiscing to old memories. They're moving forward with their lives and accomplishing things, and I couldn't be more happy for and proud of them. It just feels good to talk to old friends, because they get you and they like you.

Then, there are those people who you've been in a class with (or something) but you've never - or barely - spoken to, who you happen to see again at another class or event. It's interesting because you kind of know them because you shared a mutual class, but you don't really know them, so you're not sure whether to greet them or not. With these people, they usually answer your question by not looking at you/acknowledging you, so you kind of get the hint. Those can be awkward encounters. They may be ignoring you because they either don't remember you, they're shy, or they don't want to remember you. You were really just a stranger to them.  

Lastly, there are people whose faces you recognize but you don't remember where you recognize their face from. They are people who might even go up to you to strike a conversation but you end up leaving it thinking, "Who is that girl again?" or "Where did I meet him...?" Their faces look so familiar to you, but you don't remember their names, or when first you met them, or if you were really friends with them.

I am the type of person who always believes there's a reason why I'm seeing this or that person again. But, honestly, for most of the people (if not all of them) I have no idea why I encounter them again. Some may have been good friends, but most of them are random individuals who really - to be honest - don't mean much to me anymore. There was a reason why I didn't become close to them back then, so why do I have to go through being around them or seeing them again? Maybe I'll never know.

Single Confessions #1

I don't like to write about romance on this blog for many reasons. I find romance and relationships to be a highly personal subject that I don't think should everyone should be privy to. I am a very private person and I would prefer for people to see me as a blank slate. But since nobody reads this blog - except me, give or take, I think it will be okay making some confessions about being single that I don't think many people know about me.

1. I've considered religious vocation. I think a life without a purpose is not a life worth living. That being said, I've also considered the possibility that I might not get married - and I take that possibility very seriously. If I don't get married in the distant future, I do not want to live my life as someone who just makes money and doesn't have anyone to share that wealth with. I will not by choice have a child before marriage. I know that religious life is a vocation - something that I have to be called to do. I am a Catholic and I have met some Sisters who happen to be Facebook friends. But I am discerning being a Sister or a Nun, and I take my discernment very seriously.

I think the reason why I feel so confident writing about my 'single confessions' now is because I'm comfortable with where I am. I take love very seriously, and I would never enter a relationship unless I saw it as being long-term. I do feel very complete as a person, but I am open to what the world has to offer me.

Forever 21: The Perfect Age To Dream

I am so proud of how far I've come from a year ago, and from even two years ago. I always try to one-up my accomplishments every year. I had my first prose published at the age of 18 and my full G-driver's license at the age of 19. I also managed to get a great Work-Study position at the age of 19 and now, to add to that, I also work as a freelance writer. I've also visited two countries in the Caribbean/Central America (Cuba and Costa Rica respectively) over the past two years. On top of everything, I currently volunteer with amazing on-campus groups, I volunteer as a Cantor and Pianist at my church, and I remain physically active on and off of campus.

I really believe that you get out of an activity as much as you put into it. I feel so blessed. We tend to think that we're too young or too old to go for our most secret desires, but I know that any age is the right age to pursue what you love with all of your heart. I've done everything from teaching piano, and tutoring: music theory, math, and English, to serving, designing, editing, and writing. To be honest, I would not consider myself an expert in any of those fields but I've learned, explored, and figured out what I know and love today.

I think that a lot of things really sparked my journey and my path to finding who I want to be. From first receiving the Ray Raymond Literacy Award in the eighth grade, to being accepted into Trinity College for university, to first being published by a magazine, to first being paid for my writing - I've come to realize that English and writing are two things that I absolutely adore. It really has all come full circle to me as I, still a hopeful amateur, really having a burning desire to accomplish more for myself and to realize my full potential. I know that I'm 21, but I'm 21 and proud of what I've done. Each accomplishment is a stepping stone and I hope to stay grounded no matter what. I also have big dreams that I hope will speak for themselves when the time comes.    

Repeated Mistakes

I've always tried to be the person to not let things get to me. But sometimes, I can't control it. The pent-up feelings of resentment, hurt, and anger can be consuming and it's so easy for me to lose my composure after so much effort of trying to remain calm.

I'm the kind of person who gets embarrassed easily, and who also tends to make the same mistakes, over and over again. I can't help it, and sometimes I can't help the circumstances I put myself in. Because I look so innocent and docile, many people try to take advantage of it - take advantage of me - and regardless of the outcome I feel the same, disappointed. Even when I stand up for myself. Even when I let it go. And the common denominator here is me. I find myself in the same situations.

What I find is the best remedy for life and for uncontrollable situations (uncontrollable emotions, feelings, actions) is to embrace all the negative feelings and wait for the next day to arrive. Because by the next day you have a new start to feel however you want and to act however you'd like.

Anger and sadness are often two sides of the same coin. And when you feel those emotions, they may linger for a day, but they don't last much longer. It's hard to make yourself think about the next day when you feel wronged and disappointed today. But really, the next day is the remedy. It's what we must always strive to look forward to.

Today you may be easily upset by some tiny mistakes, but the next day those tiny mistakes won't mean anything.